my soul wont recognize me after tonight
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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