after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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