MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
