Small penises have feelings too.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize