just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
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