i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
