I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
