Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
