i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
