I hate your face
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
