I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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