A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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