in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
