But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
