dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
