i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
