so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
