we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
