yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
