I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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