today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
