He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize
