Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize