Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
