you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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