if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
