I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
