I am puke
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Blood and glitter go together right?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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