Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
