no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
