he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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