No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
