You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
