The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
