so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
