I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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