stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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