I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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