My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
