hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
