Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
