i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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