I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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