Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
My bed smells like the plague
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
