The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
