I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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