She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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