I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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