8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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