One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
