I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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