haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
