This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize