I only kidnapped one of them. chill
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
