just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
me + whiskey = a bad person
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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