I am in a vortex of obligation.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
