Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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