Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
