Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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