He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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