I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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