if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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