At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You are a genius and a whore.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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