Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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