i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize