if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
