he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
