Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
