btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
