You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
