sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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