she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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