I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just gargled with NyQuil
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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