Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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