so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
