Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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