I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
