What a fucking waste of an outfit
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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