I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
