I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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