Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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